IOU

I've this friend who has been 'borrowing' stuff from me. Because he's my friend, I don't mind of course and let him cast his hand in the proverbial cookie jar. This has been happening for quite a number of years already.

Trouble is, rarely does he ever return what he 'borrowed', thus the quotation marks. Even more troubling, I have failed to notice this until the latest favor I have given him, which is cold hard cash. It isn't really that much, but it is quite significant considering that I'm kinda short on cash and living from paycheck to paycheck the past years.

It's been a month and a week since he promised to return the loan, and I've gotten neither a peep nor a hoot about the delay from him. We did get together once three weeks ago, but my short term memory has conveniently forgotten the loan that particular point in time (convenient for him, of course). He is my friend which means I have his contact info and all that to call or email or text him if necessary, but I just can't seem to bring myself to collect.

The downside is that because this loan has been dragging on through bills, rent, groceries and all those other expenses on my part, I've developed a specie of resentment towards all the other times he 'borrowed' stuff. It has gotten to a point where I've lately become irritated whenever I receive another bill or while writing out a cheque for the rent. The worst of it is, I've been able to mentally compute the monetary equivalent of how much he owes me for this loan, past small uncollected loans, as well as the doodads, tools and various other items he hasn't returned for the past 10 years. Disregarding inflation rates and depreciation costs, it now stands at 40,000 pesos. To be fair, of course, I've also mentally computed how much I owe him in the stuff which I borrowed and hadn't returned, and my total is at 800 bucks.

*****

Before anyone goes on despising this guy, let me just clear up that you can't unless he owes you anything as well. Being a friend, I have the right to despise and bitch about him all I want, that's one of the benefits of being a friend (in my twisted mind, at least). Besides, he's got good reasons for not being able to pay up, which is why I can't collect, dammit.

*****

Does this mean that a moratorium on lending stuff (specially cash) is in effect? Now there's the rub, because in spite of all that, I'm still willing to help the guy out when he's in a rut. So why am I still bitching about it? Because I'm a sick dyslexic bastard who just can't seem to get enough of a tragic thing and likes to wallow in misery.