How I would never have become an orphan and grow up to be a superhero

Back when I was a kid, our family moved to my grandparents in Bacolod City because my dad lost his job. Me, my mom and my elder sister stayed there for close to a year, before my dad finally got his act together and we could afford to move back to Manila. It came down to a choice, return to the big city by plane or by boat? Mom had already bought us our tickets to a Manila-bound ferry when my dad decided to splurge some dough from his first paycheck and had us fly back.

We got to Manila via plane, the boat that we were supposed to ride back sank before it hit Bacolod port.

That tale, in itself, was already quite curious and I asked tons of questions about it and if we would also have died (hundreds perished in that tragedy) if we boarded. We would not have been able to board, of course, as the ship never made it to port in the first place. But then I insisted, what would they have done if we were aboard and the ship began to sink? I will never forget my mom's answer then, "I would have drowned you first.". Gee, thanks a lot, mom!

*****

Okay, it might not be fair to have said that without the proper context. My mom had her reasons of course, which in her defense are perfectly rational.

Apparently, at the time both me and my sister were just a couple of toddlers who kept tugging at mom's apron just for the slightest second of attention that she could spare. It wasn't that she was too busy to spend time with us, but there was some sort of competition between sis and me on who was mom's favorite. Yes, selfish little brats, we were. Beyond this, there really wasn't much that we could do for ourselves. Thus, in case the boat sank, there wasn't much we could have done, so instead of us being eaten alive by sharks and suffer a childhood trauma for the next 10 seconds or so of our lives, they'd have to bite through our cold, dead bodies and leave all our happy childhood memories intact.

Didn't help, did it?

Perhaps you must also understand that our mom didn't know how to swim. In this case, with only the three of us to fend for ourselves, we would all have died anyway, so she reasons that it's better we go first and spare us further misery.

But what if someone took pity on two toddlers and saved us? Though this is not likely to happen, our mom also had a problem with this scenario. In her typical mommy paranoia, she would never entrust her kids to strangers. What if our would be rescuers were pedophiles? What if we would be sold off to slavery to cover some bet? What if we got adopted by really rich folks who would send us off to a stuffy boarding school, learn about the world at large, and we become powerful, filthy rich snobs? What if we were consumed whole by a whale, spat out in a weird and alien place and become spiritual leaders respected by all and feared by evil-doers? Or what if we survive and plot our vengeance against the evils of society, buy ourselves a cave, a really cool car and don bullet-proof superhero suits with long black capes and go after bad people? No mother would ever want this to happen to their kids, the possibility of enduring suffering without them to hold our hands through it.

*****

Often I've heard stories about mothers giving up their lives so their children might survive despite being without them, and it does sound like such a noble act. But I can't really blame my mother for thinking the way she did. It does sound practical, and I've no question that she does have our best interest at heart because she always has. It's all just a matter of values, of culture, of perspective. At any rate, I sure am glad that the point of my mom having to decide our fate at sea never did come. I would never have understood the wisdom of her drowning us to death at that age.

Come a time when I need to make such a decision, I've no idea what the heck's the right thing to do.