Tell them I tried...

Awful day today... and I'm waiting till midnight to see if it can possibly get any worse.

First off, my phone's useless no thanks to a glitch in it's display. Everytime I slide the thing open, the display just conks out. So I'm either guessing who the heck is calling or have to plug it onto my computer to read the messages I've been getting. Sure, this has been going on and off for at least a week now, but today has been just impossible. I've switched to my sister's old phone temporarily, until I can gather enough beans to buy a replacement, that is. And from previous experience, the beans don't really come all that often.

Then my department has been downsized. No, not in terms of personnel (Whew! Odds are I would have been the first to go!) but in terms of the space we occupy at the office. To extract as much savings as we possibly could out of our electricity bill, we've been ordered to transfer from our 3rd floor offices to a tinier room on the first floor. The move starts by next week, 4 people and a ton of office furniture and equipment occupying a 3x4 meter space. By the way, the space we're moving into used to be the janitor's closet.

The highlight of the day, of course, was that fax I got informing me that we missed out on the career-saving project that I've been hoping and praying for all year. Perfect, now I'm an incommunicado sinking down to the lowest caste of the company structure. I wonder how much it would cost to rush that waiting period on a .45?

*****

Of course I promptly informed my boss about the loss of the project. Had to put on a bit of an act to seem devastated at the turn of events, hopefully that would pare down the screaming that I was sure to get. The boss calmly looks me in the eye and tells me not to fret, "When God closes a door, He opens a window..." then looks out the window. Panicked for a moment when I saw him stare out in the open, I thought he actually meant I should take my sorry ass out the window and onto the hard pavement 3 storeys below. Wait, did he?

*****

Before you go ahead feeling sorry for me and all that, don't. I'm a big boy now, I don't need your pity or that consolation ribbon that they give to everyone who did not win the science contest in the second grade so they feel like they actually accomplished something. In life, there are winners and there are losers, and right at this moment, I'm the latter. No big deal, someone has to lose. I don't consider myself a whiner, because it never helps any situation. Sure I've moped around and had fits and stuff, but only to blow off steam. Life is unfair in that you won't always get something for trying, the more you get used to this idea, the better off you'd be in the long run.

My dad and my boss belong to a generation of people who never believed in "trying". It's was either you did or didn't. If my dad asked if I'd cleaned my room, it was a strictly yes or no question. Whenever I tried to explain that I had finished with the drawers but left the sweeping til tomorrow, that was a clear No. If my boss asks if I got the sale, I'd better come up with a signed contract or a check before I can say yes. Just saying that we start the work tomorrow and they'd send me the check in a week would never fly by him. Sure, this seems a bit harsh, but guess what, the world is a tough place to live in.

So I didn't get the project, that means I'm responsible for the ripple effect that that particular non-event has set into motion. The sales quota would not be met, meaning there would be a deficit in the annual budget. To make ends meet, the company has a lot of belt tightening to do, which might cause some employees to be let go. This puts an end to their regular wages, and their families starve. Eventually the men are forced to a life of crime, their mothers endure slavery while their daughters become prostitutes.

The next time some of you go whoring, do tell them that I tried my best.