Breaking a heart

Whoa... no no no, don't get the title wrong, this isn't one of those "emo" posts, I swear! Come back!

I swear, really!

Whew! I guess I almost lost you there. This is a different kind of heart-breaking. It isn't the typical mushy "...These foolish games are tearing me apart, And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart..." crap that Jewel describes in her song. This is more of the "I know it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart. YOU BROKE MY HEART!" kinda deal. Scary, I know.

*****

You see, this morning, I finally did it. I quit my job.

You heard me.

After weeks and months of soul-searching, computing, analysis and coin-tossing, I decided that the right opportunity had come along and I was a fool not to take it. I had a job offer sitting on my lap from another company, with all the goodies that I had asked Santa for, and the prospect of a brighter career ahead.

Out of respect, I called the big boss I was working for the past 8 years on his mobile phone. He sounded like he was at the golf course, which may be the best time to tell him.

"Hi sir, finishing up your game?"
"Hi Hap! Still on the front 9 and doing great. What's up?" Hmm, could I possibly ruin the back 9 with the news? Maybe now's not the time to tell him?
"I've come to a decision, sir."
"Oh really? I hope you're staying with us, Hap. I believe our counter-offer is impressive, don't you think?" Gulp.
"Uh, yes sir. Mighty impressive. However..."
"Uh oh."
"...I'm inclined to take the other offer, sir."
"That just breaks my heart, Hap."

Suddenly, I had my mobile phone in an icy death grip, was the slobbering kiss-of-death next?

*****

In my head, everything seemed eerily quiet. Had word gotten out already? Here I was, exposed and vulnerable inside the office. Everyone being nice to me, as they do anyone whose days were numbered, probably. I could only guess, of course, no one has ever went against "the family" and lived to tell about it, to my memory. 30 more days of this before I'm a free man, alive and free, hopefully.

Had I made the right decision? I was beginning to question the wisdom of my choice. (Which happens all too often, by the way)

"Traitor!" The word echoed loudly in my head, but it seems only I heard it. Everyone was scurrying around, minding their own business, unmindful of me.

Then, the boss' son comes up to me. "I heard, Hap. That's just too bad."

Wait, what? Too bad how, exactly? Too bad I was leaving the family or something else, something more... permanent? I turn around, half-expecting Luca behind me with a leather gloves and a wire, or Furio with a wooden bat. Nothing there, for now.

How the heck did I get into this mess anyway? Is it my obsession with being "made"? But after 8 years of unquestioned loyalty to the family, to the Corleones and Sopranos, was I now being perceived as a threat?! Well, it's all my fault, I guess. I should've expected this to happen. Male lions, banished from the pride, can only get back into one by winning a challenge against the alpha and devouring their young. I had mistakenly identified diplomacy as a strength rather than a weakness.

Is it too late to back out? Could I say sorry and get things back to the way they were? History says otherwise, though. Fredo thought he was family again, until he went fishing and became fish food. Same for Pussy. Yeah, there's no point in turning back now, I've chosen my side and must stick by it, man up.

Note to self: Leave the cannoli.