According to the opinions of a lot of people, I am pure evil. Yes, a few more steps until I become the antichrist. A lot of stuff I do (or don't) has been regarded as despicable in general opinion. Frankly, it's come to a point wherein I no longer care. If I'm going to hell, I'm sure there are a lot of other folks down there with me.
Anyway, to the curious, I'm listing down the stuff that the general public consider evil:
1. I work for a multinational company.
Ah yes, corporate greed! I earn a decent enough living doing a decent enough job, but am accused of fueling the excesses of the capitalist pig. Furthermore, I'm in sales, which is akin to having one foot planted firmly in hell (while the other keeps you from closing the door in my face). Millions are starving because of people like me. I employ unfair efficient practices to put local companies out of business. What's worse is that I allow precious capital to flow out and into the coffers of my bosses up in the developed world.
And all this Occupy Wall Street crap isn't helping. There the people speak, condemning huge corporations and vowing to stop the global economy in its tracks. If the wheels of the world suddenly stops turning and I find myself out of a job, it's called sweet justice.
Funny though that these people use Twitter and Facebook to spread the word on their iPhones and other neat gadgets that I can't afford. It's not like some hippie couple are cranking out tablets and touchscreen phones out of their kitchen, while their neighbor powers the world wide web using a hand loom and waterwheel.
2. I take the bus or hail a cab to get to where I'm going, plus the fact that I'm saving up for a car.
Because getting from point A to B on your bicycle is the only conscientious way to go. It doesn't emit any greenhouse gas, and no environmentally exploitative measures were necessary to churn out the finite fossil fuel chugged down by a modern internal combustion engine. Most important, it's the healthy alternative.
Never mind that these people usually strap their bikes on top or behind their big-ass SUV's so they can haul it to the park to ride a couple of miles in a circle. Or that the energy expended by their bodies while biking has an equivalence in the amount of daily calories they require which puts greater strain on agricultural resources and the food processing industry, causing prices to rise.
As a disclaimer, I don't claim that a food shortage is imminent once we get everybody riding two-wheelers. I simply want these people to think about something else than bother me about the daily commute. And specially when my eyes sparkle when a Porsche 911 passes me by while crossing the street. *Sigh*
3. My porn collection.
So fine, I watch a "healthy" amount of porn. I subscribe to an industry that by nature objectifies and demeans women, secretaries, Japanese schoolgirls, nurses in short white outfits, librarians, yoga instructors, flight attendants, French maids, female police officers, lingerie models, english tutors, girls next door, cowgirls, naughty college coeds and all the other healthy, fit and fun-loving ladies out there. (I could have gone on and on... but it was getting a bit difficult to concentrate on writing)
But no matter how much porn I watch, it's not like I disrespect women nor prey on them. I have all the respect for the female of the species, and can peacefully coexist with them on a platonic level.
Besides, I've been cutting back lately, I swear!
4. I eat meat.
Alas, I am all the weaker for doing so. Unlike vegans and the like, I have a weakness for a medium rare steak and pork chops. And because of this, I have killed in order to selfishly sustain my foolhardy existence.
The fact that I get as giddy as a schoolgirl when in line at the eat all you can buffet makes me all the more sinister. Little kids and vegans cry while I baste my porkchops with catsup, and butter up the already juicy steak! Porky Pig and Mr. Moo are my victims, and that's just breakfast.
And because of this I'm fat. And people don't like us fatties, because we take up too much space and eat way too much resources. And whenever we wipe our mouths after a bite of a double cheeseburger, vegetarians get up in our faces and inform us that we should be ashamed of our butchering ways. That we should be less of ourselves and more like them. Because they're just fit and fab and perfect.
5. I don't go to church.
I don't. I'm not Christian, not Muslim, not Buddhist, not atheist either. I'm just a plain believer, content to communicate in my own way with the Lord. But of course, this doesn't sit well with the vast majority. Because I don't go to church, I'm evil and hate Him and thus I hate all the world that He created. My church-less Sundays are spent aborting fetuses, lambasting beggars, stealing candy from babies and spitting in the faces of orphans. Oh yes, and I run over cute little puppies and kittens in my spare time.
I don't do any of those things in the last sentence of the preceding paragraph, by the way.
6. I love to put my feet up and relax on the couch.
During my brief siesta spent dreaming about burgers and the girl next door, people claim I should put more effort in making this world a better place. There's always a peace rally to go to, orphans to feed, houses and shelters to build and kittens to adopt. My laziness is directly impeding any progress that could benefit the world. We are stuck in this quagmire because I chose not to do anything.
So people try to make me become more productive. Work harder, give more, have more patience and voice out my opinions for the general good louder. But I don't do as much, I intentionally try to enjoy time for myself. Maybe even catch a few minutes of porn while I'm at it. You can imagine how that doesn't sit too well with the kittens.
7. I smoke and drink alcohol.
Because it is one of the things I enjoy, and calms me, and gives me something to do while thinking. Of course, other people have their own interpretation. While standing in the smoking area, having a stick, some people think I intentionally do this so I could blow smoke in their faces. Like I'm boasting about my right to kill myself if I want to, and taking them down with me in the process via second hand smoke. When people walk up to me while I'm enjoying a drag whilst IN a smoking area to tell me that I should extinguish it, I don't get why they just don't get on with their lives across on their no-smoking side of the parking area and leave me be.
For their information, I didn't intentionally light up to inconvenience them. In fact, I consider myself a considerate enough smoker. I don't smoke when there are lots of people around, and I consciously steer clear of any non-smokers. I even always carry a tictac with me so they won't think ill of my ashtray breath when I have to talk to them. So I don't get why they celebrate when I'm forced to stub out my Marlboro because I'm entering a public space or an enclosed area. My health is my own problem, and when you want to talk to me during my cigarette break responsibly spent in the properly designated smoking area, please just call me on my cell.
*****
And so to all you self-righteous folks out there, I guess I'm going to hell. Too bad though, if I only put a little more effort into it, I might be nominated as a real bad-ass antichrist.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
All I want for Christmas...
Because it's almost Christmas, I'm making a list of the things I want:
1. New threads and shoes for the office.
Yeah, I'm tired of rotating my limited wardrobe. There are only about 7 shirts that I wear with 2 pairs of pants. Heck, my friend's dog has more stuff to wear than I do.
2. An Escalade.
Sometimes, I do tire of taking the bus. On rainy days and on sunny ones. Heck, there are only 2 seasons in this country and apparently commuting is a hassle on both. Maybe an Escalade is over the top, but hopefully with such a lofty target I might end up getting a 2nd hand Hyundai. Beats the bus for sure.
3. A new sofa.
Lately, I've been sleeping on the couch. I find that this little trick enables me to wake up faster. Trouble is the couch is a bit too small that I can't really stretch myself out. Then again, maybe if I get a better couch, I fall back into not waking up as fast. But if it's gonna make the living room look better, what the hell...
4. A better mousetrap.
Surely everyone can appreciate this one.
5. A bigger apartment.
Not that I need one, but I've always wanted a bigger pad. Something like the enormous space Tom Hanks had in the movie "Big". I've always wanted to have enough space for a bowling alley someday, plus I can do all my jogging indoors, too.
6. A ginormous LCD television.
Porn will never be the same once I get my hands on one of those babies!
7. A yacht.
I've always wanted to use the words 'starboard' and 'anchors away'. Plus I hear these toys are virtually irresistible to models. I already have my camera, you know...
8. A real kitchen, with the cast iron skillets and all.
Hmm, this must have a lot to do with the food channel if you ask me.
9. A self-cleaning mop.
There are few things more irritating that having to clean a mop. For one thing, it's been busy cleaning up the things you didn't want to get your hands on so why the heck would I want to touch it now? Mickey had it spot on in "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" or whatever flick that was.
10. A pet hamster.
Okay, this little bugger's been on my list for ages. But I'm just not sure I can handle all that responsibility yet.
*****
I had really something witty and grand to end this with... but now I'm sleepy and forgot what the heck it was supposed to be. My fault, each time I listed down one of the wishes above I took a lot of time imagining that I already had it and daydreamed about what I was gonna do.
Oh well, there's always next year.
1. New threads and shoes for the office.
Yeah, I'm tired of rotating my limited wardrobe. There are only about 7 shirts that I wear with 2 pairs of pants. Heck, my friend's dog has more stuff to wear than I do.
2. An Escalade.
Sometimes, I do tire of taking the bus. On rainy days and on sunny ones. Heck, there are only 2 seasons in this country and apparently commuting is a hassle on both. Maybe an Escalade is over the top, but hopefully with such a lofty target I might end up getting a 2nd hand Hyundai. Beats the bus for sure.
3. A new sofa.
Lately, I've been sleeping on the couch. I find that this little trick enables me to wake up faster. Trouble is the couch is a bit too small that I can't really stretch myself out. Then again, maybe if I get a better couch, I fall back into not waking up as fast. But if it's gonna make the living room look better, what the hell...
4. A better mousetrap.
Surely everyone can appreciate this one.
5. A bigger apartment.
Not that I need one, but I've always wanted a bigger pad. Something like the enormous space Tom Hanks had in the movie "Big". I've always wanted to have enough space for a bowling alley someday, plus I can do all my jogging indoors, too.
6. A ginormous LCD television.
Porn will never be the same once I get my hands on one of those babies!
7. A yacht.
I've always wanted to use the words 'starboard' and 'anchors away'. Plus I hear these toys are virtually irresistible to models. I already have my camera, you know...
8. A real kitchen, with the cast iron skillets and all.
Hmm, this must have a lot to do with the food channel if you ask me.
9. A self-cleaning mop.
There are few things more irritating that having to clean a mop. For one thing, it's been busy cleaning up the things you didn't want to get your hands on so why the heck would I want to touch it now? Mickey had it spot on in "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" or whatever flick that was.
10. A pet hamster.
Okay, this little bugger's been on my list for ages. But I'm just not sure I can handle all that responsibility yet.
*****
I had really something witty and grand to end this with... but now I'm sleepy and forgot what the heck it was supposed to be. My fault, each time I listed down one of the wishes above I took a lot of time imagining that I already had it and daydreamed about what I was gonna do.
Oh well, there's always next year.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Gracias, Senor Tequila.
A couple of nights ago, I found myself staring down into the toilet at what was left of the burger I had for dinner. My gut was heaving but nothing came out, and as reached up to rise to the sink, I expected to see my 19 year old self appear in the mirror. Nope, there I was, still making a mess of myself 15 years later.
Admittedly, it kinda felt stupid.
I thought I was past all this, that I've matured enough to know when enough was enough. And most especially the fact that tequila was, is, and will always be my most sworn enemy. I was almost ashamed to open the door and walk back to the party. But then again, the loud knocking at the door told me to get my ass out of there. Fine, let me just flush that burger down the toilet...
*****
Despite the tattered memory, the badass hangover, the taste of bile in my mouth and a wasted Sunday, Saturday night's party was a blast! (From the bits and pieces of what I remember from it anyway) And I needed it, badly.
For a time, I was feeling a bit tired of the whole "routine". The waking up, working, household chores, a bit of television and the sleeping. It got to the point that even the weekends were governed by a compelling need to fill a schedule and put things in an certain order. Little did I realize until now that I wasn't living the life, rather life was having its way with me. To use a metaphor, I was letting the bus take me where it wanted to go rather than me using the bus to get to where I was supposed to be. (Okay bad metaphor, I might still be a bit hung over)
Right then, with my head down looking at the toilet water and the alcohol-laden contents of my stomach, I realized that I had to take control over my life again. Somehow I let some bus driver hypnotize me with some on-board movie while he took the controls.
*****
Before jumping to any conclusions, no I'm not quitting my job to hop on some Eat, Pray, Love mission. Nor will I embrace the life of a party-boy. And most importantly I won't be going to the opera or watch a play to 'experience culture'. It's just a minor adjustment to my world view, a fine-tuning to how I make everyday decisions.
For instance, when ordering take-out why not pick out something that I've never tried before rather than the usual? Why wait 2 days before calling a girl to ask her out? Or think up excuses why I shouldn't get out of the house on a sunny Saturday morning. For a time, I've let what I thought I should be doing get in the way of what I really wanted to do or to become.
Yesterday, while nursing a giant hangover, I realized that I have been doing some of those things little by little. In the past couple of weeks, I've been using my college acquaintances and contacts to add to my professional network. This used to be taboo for me, because I believed I could do it on my own lest someone accuse me of being a user. So far, no one's been thinking that and as it turns out I have actually helped out as much as they've assisted me. The past month I've also adjusted my attitude with my subordinates at work, from trying to be everybody's friendly boss to letting them know that I'm not going to do their job for them. On the home front, instead of torturing myself in trying to fit everything in place, I threw a lot of stuff I didn't really need out.
These little things, though I didn't realize it at the time, felt so liberating.
*****
Funny how a dose of stupidity can knock some sense into a person. In my case, it's taught me that instead of all the posturing and imagery, what I should really be concentrating on is being my own person once again. Just like that 19 year old who didn't know any better but was just wise enough to know what the more important things in life were.
"It is only with the heart that one can see clearly. What is essential is invisible to the eye." - The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Admittedly, it kinda felt stupid.
I thought I was past all this, that I've matured enough to know when enough was enough. And most especially the fact that tequila was, is, and will always be my most sworn enemy. I was almost ashamed to open the door and walk back to the party. But then again, the loud knocking at the door told me to get my ass out of there. Fine, let me just flush that burger down the toilet...
*****
Despite the tattered memory, the badass hangover, the taste of bile in my mouth and a wasted Sunday, Saturday night's party was a blast! (From the bits and pieces of what I remember from it anyway) And I needed it, badly.
For a time, I was feeling a bit tired of the whole "routine". The waking up, working, household chores, a bit of television and the sleeping. It got to the point that even the weekends were governed by a compelling need to fill a schedule and put things in an certain order. Little did I realize until now that I wasn't living the life, rather life was having its way with me. To use a metaphor, I was letting the bus take me where it wanted to go rather than me using the bus to get to where I was supposed to be. (Okay bad metaphor, I might still be a bit hung over)
Right then, with my head down looking at the toilet water and the alcohol-laden contents of my stomach, I realized that I had to take control over my life again. Somehow I let some bus driver hypnotize me with some on-board movie while he took the controls.
*****
Before jumping to any conclusions, no I'm not quitting my job to hop on some Eat, Pray, Love mission. Nor will I embrace the life of a party-boy. And most importantly I won't be going to the opera or watch a play to 'experience culture'. It's just a minor adjustment to my world view, a fine-tuning to how I make everyday decisions.
For instance, when ordering take-out why not pick out something that I've never tried before rather than the usual? Why wait 2 days before calling a girl to ask her out? Or think up excuses why I shouldn't get out of the house on a sunny Saturday morning. For a time, I've let what I thought I should be doing get in the way of what I really wanted to do or to become.
Yesterday, while nursing a giant hangover, I realized that I have been doing some of those things little by little. In the past couple of weeks, I've been using my college acquaintances and contacts to add to my professional network. This used to be taboo for me, because I believed I could do it on my own lest someone accuse me of being a user. So far, no one's been thinking that and as it turns out I have actually helped out as much as they've assisted me. The past month I've also adjusted my attitude with my subordinates at work, from trying to be everybody's friendly boss to letting them know that I'm not going to do their job for them. On the home front, instead of torturing myself in trying to fit everything in place, I threw a lot of stuff I didn't really need out.
These little things, though I didn't realize it at the time, felt so liberating.
*****
Funny how a dose of stupidity can knock some sense into a person. In my case, it's taught me that instead of all the posturing and imagery, what I should really be concentrating on is being my own person once again. Just like that 19 year old who didn't know any better but was just wise enough to know what the more important things in life were.
"It is only with the heart that one can see clearly. What is essential is invisible to the eye." - The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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