I'm lost. Stuck in the daily grind, I forgot what it was that I really wanted to do. This became apparent to me when I had to make a birthday wishlist. I couldn't think of a damn thing that I really wanted to have for my birthday. Which kinda reminds me of Captain Jack Sparrow and his broken compass, or Bilbo after returning to the Shire from his great adventure.
*****
Now, how am I going to find my way back to knowing what I really want for my birthday?
This morning, while waiting at the hotel's smoking lounge for a client's presentation on their proposed management plan or something, I resolved to make a list. I had to encrypt it in my super secret code for fear of someone discovering it and leaving me bawling my eyes out of embarassment. I only got to jotting down 5 items before realizing how stupid it was:
1. Fix my car's suspension
2. Play golf on the fairway (been stuck on the driving range for forever)
3. Drive my clunky car all the way to Baguio and back
4. Start writing again
5. Buy an Omega dress watch
Except for #5 (which I'll never really afford until I'm like 60 or something), all the things I've listed were things that I can actually do tomorrow. Like, do on any given weekend. Like, I can actually do all those things in one weekend (except #5, which I threw in there just to bring some sense to the list). I find it incredibly stupid that I had to wait for a special birthday list to figure that I wanted to do all these things.
So why don't I?
*****
There was once this guy who didn't have anything else to do so he did whatever it was that came to him. He drove 2 hours for a cup of coffee that didn't really taste any different from one he usually gets 3 blocks away. Or donned his running shoes for a midnight jog around city hall because the rain had just stopped. And he risked driving 400 kilometers on a car that overheated every 30 kilometers amid the new year's fireworks and revelry just because there was nothing to do at home. And there was a time that instead of taking the bus back home from work, he hopped onboard a long-haul trip to somewhere he had never been to before just because it stopped and opened its doors right in front of him.
And those were just the things he did the few times he was sober.
One day, this fella got tired of it all and just vanished into thin air. No one heard from him again, and rumor has it that went on to learn how to set sail and never walked on land again.
*****
It's sad to think how people change into such boring, bloated slugs far from whatever it was they aspired to be once in their youth. A 19-year old's dream of pornstar immortality suddenly turns into a 30-something's quest for a vacant parking slot at the supermarket.
Perhaps this year is a good one to recapture that age of stupid dreams and even dumber actions. To be as bold as a college dropout, thinking of how to have it all and actually moving towards that direction. There is benefit in believing that whatever it is we dare do, it will all somehow turn out well in the end.
And with those words, I welcome you all to what seems to be the start of my early mid-life crisis.
*****
Now, how am I going to find my way back to knowing what I really want for my birthday?
This morning, while waiting at the hotel's smoking lounge for a client's presentation on their proposed management plan or something, I resolved to make a list. I had to encrypt it in my super secret code for fear of someone discovering it and leaving me bawling my eyes out of embarassment. I only got to jotting down 5 items before realizing how stupid it was:
1. Fix my car's suspension
2. Play golf on the fairway (been stuck on the driving range for forever)
3. Drive my clunky car all the way to Baguio and back
4. Start writing again
5. Buy an Omega dress watch
Except for #5 (which I'll never really afford until I'm like 60 or something), all the things I've listed were things that I can actually do tomorrow. Like, do on any given weekend. Like, I can actually do all those things in one weekend (except #5, which I threw in there just to bring some sense to the list). I find it incredibly stupid that I had to wait for a special birthday list to figure that I wanted to do all these things.
So why don't I?
*****
There was once this guy who didn't have anything else to do so he did whatever it was that came to him. He drove 2 hours for a cup of coffee that didn't really taste any different from one he usually gets 3 blocks away. Or donned his running shoes for a midnight jog around city hall because the rain had just stopped. And he risked driving 400 kilometers on a car that overheated every 30 kilometers amid the new year's fireworks and revelry just because there was nothing to do at home. And there was a time that instead of taking the bus back home from work, he hopped onboard a long-haul trip to somewhere he had never been to before just because it stopped and opened its doors right in front of him.
And those were just the things he did the few times he was sober.
One day, this fella got tired of it all and just vanished into thin air. No one heard from him again, and rumor has it that went on to learn how to set sail and never walked on land again.
*****
It's sad to think how people change into such boring, bloated slugs far from whatever it was they aspired to be once in their youth. A 19-year old's dream of pornstar immortality suddenly turns into a 30-something's quest for a vacant parking slot at the supermarket.
Perhaps this year is a good one to recapture that age of stupid dreams and even dumber actions. To be as bold as a college dropout, thinking of how to have it all and actually moving towards that direction. There is benefit in believing that whatever it is we dare do, it will all somehow turn out well in the end.
And with those words, I welcome you all to what seems to be the start of my early mid-life crisis.
2 comments:
Good to see you writing again, man. Keep em coming. :)
Happy birthday, hap. Just in case di ko makuha ang exact date, might as well greet in advance. Hehehe.:-)
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