More rodent fantasies (I've really got to stop with this rodent thing)

Huge mistake today... I took out the rent money from my ATM account, was going to make the deposit in the bank, but I got too lazy and decided that tomorrow was probably a better day to do that chore. Now, I'm sitting here with the money in my pocket, burning a rather large hole. My fear is that somehow, I would "lose" the money on a number of things, foremost of which would probably be the groceries and/or an ipod.

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So I've read that local basketball has turned horribly wrong, with a player mauling a fan. We all know what's going to happen, player gets fined, suspended and maybe even banned from basketball. The fan, well, he got beaten up already, too bad.

This might be a good time to think up new ways to keep fans from being pummeled by athletes. For one, maybe basketball should be a caged match, or at least played within the confines of a glass/plastic panel similar to that being employed in pro-hockey. It would probably cost a bit more, but that is cheap compared to outfitting everyone in the audience with helmets and padded suits.

But then again, sometimes fans do want to get into the thick of the action. Consider the running of the bulls, now I can't for the life of me figure out why people would knowingly put themselves in harms way to enjoy this. Sure, taunting the beast is fun, but then it's another matter when they get the better of the situation and gorge your ass with their horns. Unlike basketball players, I doubt if a fine or suspension would teach the bulls a lesson.

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Speaking of beasts, I am inspired to start a new contest involving some of our more furrier friends. As a kid, I've been witness to quite a number of spider, fish and even "salagubang" fights. Then there's the popular cockfights, dogfights and even carabao and horse fights. But I've never heard of hamster fights. That's right, time to get these furballs into shape in a life or death duel. My plan is to breed these little rodents into lean, mean, fighting machines out to dominate the rest of their specie. No more of that cute and cuddly image, it's time these bozos learn to earn their keep.

So how does one go about training these guys? Well, I'm not exactly sure. They do seem like sloths, don't they? And checking out their kind in the pet stores, they seem more intent on licking their privates and humping each other than knocking the living daylights out of the other guy. Maybe if I start inbreeding them I'd be able to produce a mutation. Shock therapy wouldn't be the worst idea either. A few doses a day of 12V through them should incite them to get angry, shouldn't it?

To make it even more interesting, maybe a cross-specie rumble would be entertaining? 3 Hamsters up against a lone guinea pig? Reminds me of Roman gladiators thrashing up the arena. Hamsters versus guinea pigs, claw against claw, incisors against incisors, then add a mouse and a bunny in the fray and you'd have all the makings of a true cross-specie royal rumble! Find out the true champion of the rodent world!

But wait, there's more! The rodents finally realize that they are fighting their own kind, kinda like Care Bears versus Care Bear Cousins, they make a pact to unite and take on their natural enemies, the Cat! Though it would seem like a lopsided contest in feline-dom's favor, remember that rodents do one thing very efficiently, breed. Easily, a single household could find itself overrun by rats given a few months. And that extends to their cousins as well. Imagine an army of a hundred hamsters and rabbits, out for cat tail. My my, that would be a sight indeed. Even the Pied Piper must've had goose bumps being followed by hundreds of rats, these cats wouldn't stand a chance. All the rodents need to do is act all cute and cuddly and stuff themselves into the feline's mouth, until kitty kat explodes with vermin. Eep!