Something has to be said about my losing streak. You see, I've been playing this PC game, Sid Meier's Civilization, off and on for almost 2 decades now. And so far, I haven't won a single time. Well that's not entirely true, I've won a number of times on the easy levels, but having your opponent playing with an arm behind his back certainly doesn't count, at least for me. The games that matter to me are those where I play at the level of the AI, because that's where the bragging rights are. Of course, there hasn't been anything to brag about yet which has been a big frustration for me.
So far, the score looks something like this: Man 0 - Computer 5,683. This sucks.
The funny thing about it is, I know I can win this stupid game. But sadly I can't seem to pull it off because I get so damn excited when I'm winning that I make careless mistakes. This is true not only on the computer, by the way. My poker game has also been witness to this meltdown. So has my billiard game. And darts. WHY THE HECK DOES THIS HAPPEN!?
Yesterday afternoon, after another frustrating game of Civ (I was a far first place, until I got cocky and decided to prolong a war with Napoleon, draining me of resources, landing me a close 2nd place in the end) I sat back and tried to get to the bottom of this phenomenon. I reached deep down into my psyche (scary shit, I tell you) and summoned my inner Freud. Turns out, I loathe winning. Something in my past has wired me this way, so that each time I get close enough to the target, I slow down and let another guy go first.
But why? What event could have triggered this?
As with all psychological investigations, I suspected my mom was behind all this. If Tony Soprano's mom could have messed him up that bad, why can't mine? I was told I was breastfed as a kid, could it be that? Is breastfeeding good for the body but bad for the psyche? Let's dismiss that thought. Thinking about my mom's boobs and writing about it here is just... wrong.
Let's move on to the next suspect, my childhood. Maybe I was raised wrong. I mean, growing up I didn't really have a knack for basketball like the other kids. So the competitivity (is that a word?) wasn't there and here I am, a broken PC gamer. I did play soccer though, as a full-back. You know, the guy in backfield who's not the kick-ass goalie? Maybe that's it... as a kid I was the guy who wasn't expected to win the game but was more likely to lose it by letting the opposing forward go by, leaving the poor goalie to fend for himself.
I did enjoy other games, though. The kind you played in your neighbor's backyard, up a tree, in the streets where all the cars and cabs and jeeps rolled by. So maybe being the useless fullback wasn't it.
Arrgh, this is so frustrating! Frustrating enough that I open grooveshark and look for "Self-Esteem" by The Offspring.
(This is the part where I load the music, get up from my seat and take a piss while singing to the tune)
And now we're back! (While I was gone - which you would probably have no idea how long for - I took the liberty of also searching for Beck's "Loser", Frank's "Send in the Clowns" and various videos of Kylie Minogue, because she's hot, and she doesn't judge me.)
While I was elsewhere, I thought of my Catholic upbringing. No, technically I'm not Catholic, but I did have 10 years worth of Catholic schooling, wherein I joined a Bible Contest, where I landed... guess where, SECOND place! But seriously, aren't Catholics bred for this kind of torture? All that guilt from all those past generations of sinners, and how humility and meekness and suffering are the ultimate tickets to those Pearly Gates (or the Dark Side, ask Yoda)? Could my frustrations actually be pre-ordained? In which case, upon my tombstone shall the words "Never won on earth, better luck in Heaven, loser!" be engraved.
At the risk of thunder and lightning coming down on my ass, I'd better stop ranting about religion. (Sorry Father, for I have sinned...)
There is another theory, though... that all this losing is borne out of my disdain for the glory of winning because of the heightened expectations. You know, take LeBron James, for instance. He's what we call a winner, MVP, the go-to-guy. And yet, when he rims out his shot we all call him a goat and boo him all the way out of the arena. I'm willing to bet that if the ball ended up in the hands of someone else, say Eddie House, in the final second with the potential game-winner, and he flubs it, he'd get a pat on the back and several "That's a tough shot for anyone...". See where I'm going with this?
Let's say that I did win at Civilization, then what next? Do I move on to other games, having to purchase more expensive titles and re-learn it? What if I did win big in poker, do I move on from house games to the casino? And if I graduated at the top of my class in grade school or high school, would my parents approve of all the drinking and going to parties, expecting me to study my ass off every day to become summa cum laude? And let's say I did do everything right in college and graduated with respectable marks, wouldn't people expect me to be some kind of wunderkind know-it-all who saves the nation's economy overnight? Man, that's just too much pressure for someone who likes his beer cold and the women hot.
Which brings me back to my hatred of Freddie Prinze Jr. Yeah, I've ranted against him some posts back explaining it. I'd post a link to it if I weren't the lazy type, tough luck for you, I guess. Anyway, guys like Freddie Prinze, Jr. (Or his characters, anyway) always have this innate need to set the bar high up, thus making us all look bad.
I know, I know, there's nothing wrong with being an achiever. But hey, nothing wrong being an under-achiever too, you know! We let them do their thing, and we'll be fine on our own devices.
Well, all this bitterness has dragged on for too long, I suppose. If you can't beat 'em, then I'll just go grab me a nice cold one and watch Kylie Minogue over-achieve herself.
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