Boredom taking over

Spell I-r-o-n-y

Woke up early this morning. Thought I would get to the office early or at least on time. Lo and behold when I went down to the garage, I had a flat tire. Some days, you just wish you hadn't gotten up from bed.

*****

Turn on the fan, time to spread some bull-shit!

Wouldn't you know it, have been preparing the wrong sort of data the whole day for my 3pm meeting. Well, my boss certainly didn't mind, I guess he was trying to see how much of my job I was really doing. Not much, admittedly but I do have a great talent for spewing out a lot of bullshit for the very little I know. This is probably why I know I'm headed to hell when I kick the bucket.

*****

No thanks to Mondays...

Again, I'm looking at another hectic week. There seems to be no end in sight until I am able to hit my target for the year, good luck to myself. Hopefully, luck favors me and hands me my job on a platter, otherwise it's going to be a very long year. But hey, I do owe my job a lot. For these past years, I have been putting in the least amount of effort and somehow end up getting the most credit. So in a way, I'm just satisfying the law of averages, or Murphy's Law whichever is more applicable.

*****

Timber!

Went for a jog at UP yesterday. As I was hobbling down past the sunken garden, I suddenly remembered that trivia question about how many coconut trees could be found there. The answer? Nil. Someone cut down the coconut tree, leaving a stump where it used to be. A sign of the times? I guess UP no longer tolerates people standing out and being unique and special, thus the coconut tree has to go! Either that or penis envy.

*****

Check mate

There used to be a really cool chess game on this computer of mine. So far, I've been able to beat it twice out of probably a hundred times (Hey, I'm rusty!) Got the urge to play all of a sudden here at the gas station, but I couldn't find it. Though I can't remember it, the most likely cause is that I got so frustrated at losing once again and deleted it out of rage. (Die computer, DIE!) Of course, the possibility that it simply got bored with playing with me and decided to uninstall itself is not that far off as well.

*****

Anyone from Nestle?

The buyer from Nestle sent me an email. It was a request for a quality audit on their stocks and deliveries. In the past, I would normally just reply that we weren't capable of doing this... blah blah. This is beyond our capabilities, and yet I am taking it on in the name of "business development". Frankly, I just want to get more business and of course, more money which is why I am researching how to subcontract it to other parties and pass it off as our own work. So does this entail that I am providing alternative solutions as an added value to my client or simply ripping them off and taking their money? Hmm... who cares! I need the effin bonus!

*****

Where's that trout when you need it?
(If you understand this title... I pity you, nerd!)

Facebook developer: So Hap, how do you like fb's new look?
Hap: Huh? did it change?
FB: Yes, we've made it better! Unfortunately some people are not used to it and are expressing their dislike.
Hap: Bunch of losers!
FB: But we truly understand how they feel and welcome their comments and insights. Maybe you would like to comment on it as well?
Hap: Why?
FB: Try it! It might be fun!
Hap: Uhm, I dunno. sounds like work to me.
FB: Mo-Fo.

*****

Me the pig

Woman: What do men look for in women?
Woman's Conventional Wisdom: Companionship
Hap: Me too, and the more women, the better the companionships!

Woman: What first attracts a man to a woman?
WCW: Her eyes
Hap: WTF? they're called breasts...

Woman: Do men also believe in love at first sight?
WCW: Absolutely
Hap: Yep, if they were naked the first time we see them... and horny.

Woman: True or false, a gentleman always lets a lady go first?
WCW: True
Hap: Depends on which is better, breasts or butt.

Woman: Is it alright for a girl to ask a guy out?
WCW: Women should be able to ask a guy out without losing dignity! You go girl!
Hap: No, unless you're putting out. Are you?

Woman: What is the best way to celebrate a year into a relationship?
WCW: A breathtaking date out of town, only the two of you! Aww...
Hap: Sex... definitely. Time to try out other orifices...

Woman: What is the best way to breaking up?
WCW: Communication is key, one has to understand the other and realize it's just not working out.
Hap: Seeing you in bed with your other girlfriend, maybe she'll join in on the fun!

Woman: Do men talk about how a girl is in bed with other guys?
WCW: A true gentleman should know better!
Hap: A true man needs not have sex with a particular girl to talk about it! hahaha!

Woman: What do guys think if a girl has had more than one sexual relationships in the past?
WCW: A guy should respect a girls privacy.
Hap: Ohh-ohh, me next!!!

Woman: Why don't some men call after a first date?
WCW: Because they want to seem cool and not over-eager.
Hap: Guess you didn't put out, huh?