Incoherent Thoughts

Woke up late this morning. As I was having coffee, I realized that I am incapable of holding a single coherent train of thought. Hence, I need to write if only to organize myself for the "short" day ahead of me.

*****

Recently, I've been finding myself unable to catch up with all the things that I need to do. There's work, then there's my reading list, then car repairs, a haircut, cleaning the house and so forth and so on. Timely that I had given up my other job, otherwise I wouldn't know how to manage all of these.

So this is the rat-race, I suppose. That spectacle of chasing after something that you are never really going to catch up to. I started working as an assistant, rock bottom in a small company with a salary pegged at minimum wage. Back then, I thought if I could only double that salary then everything would be fine. As the years went pass, I did get that raise year after year to a point that was unimaginable for me starting out then, but I find myself stuck even more firmly in quicksand. Heck, I'm even poorer than when I started out! Hmm, heirarchy of needs, I guess. The more that we have, the more that we want. And the finish line is nowhere in sight.

But don't be mistaken that this problem is limited only to finances, it is an all-encompassing phenomenon that I realize is part of life. A few days ago, I listed down my top 5 goals (unrealistic as it may seem) and realized that there is a long way to go to achieving contentment. Maybe what I really want is that Jedi mind trick to condition myself to find happiness in whatever state I might find myself in. The only problem being finding oneself too happy in a certain state that life gets pretty pointless after that.

Now this brings to mind the statement "Evolve or die" which I can't place where I got but has stuck to me, nonetheless. And next comes "Life's a journey, not a destination" which was popularized by Aerosmith. It would seem that happiness is in the pursuit and not in the actualization. Now that sucks.

Consider an example, two kids in the car with their parents going to a resort far away. One kid is playing with a PSP, the other is too excited about all the fun he could have at the resort. Who do you think yells, "Are we there, yet?" much to the irritation of the parents? One is perfectly happy where he is and the other is miserable at how long the journey is taking. Scenario 1: The resort is closed, and the family settles on an out of town picnic. So one kid is devastated while the other continues staring at his PSP. Scenario 2: The resort is open, one kid is terribly ecstatic while the other merely amused. Yes I know, dumb example. But hey, this is my space and I can put all the dumb things that comes to mind, can't I?