Tales from the Beer Bust

Last night was beer-bust night at the Mine Safety Club. Your's truly and the big boss come up here to Baguio each year to partake of this event, an excuse for the mining community to play golf, tennis, bowling and of course, eat and drink for free. The whole ampitheater was packed full of the usual people, and the beer was flowing... rumor has it a hundred kegs were delivered for that night alone. So naturally, a few stories came out...

*****

Spoken like a true alcoholic, I daresay that drinking has a lot of benefits. It is a great way to loosen up tongues which in turn, granted that your brain cells haven't already died, makes for a valuable education. Take last night for example, I was drinking with my boss and a couple of geezers when the topic shifted to a Japanese friend of theirs.

"Did you hear the Mr. X started smoking again?" The boss says.

"No, I haven't. Didn't he quit last year?" Geezer number one, replies.

"Yeah, but he smokes when someone offers him cigarettes now."

"Maybe he's just cheap, all of a sudden?" Geezer number two chuckles while I go get some more draft beer.

"No, you see, he says that he read about this Japanese study about cigarettes somewhat being a blocker of Alzheimer's. So now, he finds it more convenient to die of cancer rather than having to suffer late in life. Funny, no?" They all cheer for their Japanese friend while I silently ponder on the veracity of supposed study.

*****

Now there's this big bozo of a potential client of mine who despite having met me a lot of times in our monthly association meeting, hasn't really acknowledged my presence. We met in the hallway of the hotel and I called out "Sir" but he never even saw me, not even a smile. Maybe he thought I was the bellhop or something?

So anyhows, my boss got him all lathered up with draft beer, and all of a sudden I'm his best bud, even fetching beers for me when I need a refill. Whaddyouknow? He keeps on giving me these pats on the back whenever I say anything and in a number of times cornered me for a full-on one on one chat.

We met this morning in the hallway once again, I was getting something from the car while he was fetching the morning paper. I once again called him sir, he took one look at me and closed the door shut in my face. Talk about a one-night-stand. Prick!

*****

At first, the rumors that tuna sashimi would be served got me all excited! As they laid the trays of food one by one, my eyes scanned all around for the tuna, to no avail. Ahh, perhaps they didn't want it to be mixed in with all the other food, opting to serve it when everyone has had their fill, making for special beer-chow. So ok, I patiently waited and gorged myself of spare ribs, pork-tofu and whatever was on the table.

An hour or so into the program, just as everyone was grouped in small intimate circles with beers and food in hand, I spied another tray being set on the table. It was the sashimi! I made my way towards it, glinting red amid the fluorescent lights and presented in neat layers. Then someone got there first and got their fill, then another, then another. By the time I got to the table, the once neatly layered sashimi was now a pathetic pile of fish tissue in pools of reddish blood. Eww.

So I slunk back to my spot along with the geezers and wannabes (such as myself) and drowned myself in beer. So the food channel was right, it's a lot about the presentation, isn't it?

*****

The drive back to the hotel was surreal, the d-bag who decided to darken the tint on my windshield probably didn't put much thought into these kinds of situations. Zig-zagging along the mountain passes in complete darkness, with only the cliff edges as any real guide.

I took a drag from my cigarette and though I'm sure I looked cool and macho and all that crap, it vanished as soon as the cigarette fell from my hands onto the floor. How panicked can you get? Couldn't stop for fear of getting run over by traffic coming from the blind curves, and couldn't sacrifice control of the steering wheel to pick the damn stick up. Crap! So I divide precious seconds looking and trying to stomp on the thing while driving, braking and steering at the same time. Finally got the embers out... Whew! Close one!

Two minutes after that incident, I'm lighting up again. Tsk tsk...