Solving the Twin Paradox

Everything's all fine and dandy here at the petri dish. The giant eye has been absent for quite a while now, and I'm left to my own devices. So nice to know you're being "cultured", in a matter of speaking. Decided to while the time away daydreaming about Albert Einstein.

Yes, Albert. I know it sounds a bit geeky, but I've been eyeing a book that had found its way into my hands that supposedly talks about his Theory of Relativity. Unfortunately, I am not in the most boring of moods to finger through it yet but the sight of the book alone gave my imagination a new platform from which to dive into the abyss.

So I imagine Albert along with his equally nerdy buddies lazing around while enjoying a nice cold beer. They dream up some of the most eccentric situations and try to derive some semblance of sense from these, making them significant, relativistically. Then I recall the Twin Paradox. (between Tatcee's recent post and the book, a sudden interest in the ancient thought experiments suddenly arose). Fortunately, having been a huge fan of my physics classes back in college (do note the sarcastic tone when I mention the phrase huge fan of my physics classes), I believe that I am able to draw a unique insight into the fray.

The paradox involves twins... to be more specific, hot twins. Now everyone knows that it is every guy's fantasy to "do" hot twins simultaneously, and suspect that the thought experiment was coined while those nerds were giddy sharing some of their most perverse thoughts. Now it so happens that one of the twins was locked into a great phallic rocket and shot up into space at a speed approaching that of light's. So the nerds are stuck with the other twin, which is not an entirely bad situation in itself. A few years after, the space-bound hot twin comes back into the nerds' orbit and they declare a startling disparity in "hotness" (which is a direct consequence of age, of course) and declare that while the hot twin they were stuck with had aged significantly, the other hot twin was still faring highly on the hotness scale.

Now, to explain (or further complicate) this phenomenon, we need to rethink our whole concept of space and time. One may argue that since the space-bound hot twin was traveling at the speed (or almost) of light, then the time-space flux of course imposes side effects making time shorter for the mobile nubile (hehehe... made this one up myself!) thus making her younger (and hotter). However, since the latter nubile is only mobile relative to the nerds stuck on earth with the other twin, what then happens if all the nerds climbed aboard the spaceship with the other hottie? Their perspective would now change, and for them it would seem the whole earth, including the hot twin that stayed, were moving away from the "immobile" phallus at a speed near that of light. When the earth (and the hot twin) then "return" to the static phallic rocket, then the hot earth twin would "seem" hotter.

To resolve this paradox, I cull on the old adage that "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence", which could be directly translated into "the other twin is always hotter when you're with her sister". There, paradox solved. So to do away with such a mind-numbing, testosterone-laden situation, it is always ideal to be with both twins simultaneously. It's the only fair thing.