Heavy Thoughts from far away land

The distant shimmering lights atop the ridge of Tagaytay provides me with a great backdrop to my thoughts as I sit here enjoying my Coke light at Total on the South Luzon Expressway. They provide me with a bit of comfort as I slowly blacken my lungs with each puff on my cigarettes. Twilight is upon me, and the noise of conversations from afar blurs the ceaseless nagging of work in my head. I stretch my legs in the hope that it shakes off my Monday blues to no avail.

I stare mindlessly into the horizon, desperately looking for answers as once again I feel a numbing pain on my nape that could only be explained as stress. A lot to be done, and no time to do any of it but hope that the answers unravel themselves in the days to come. I clench my fists and grit my teeth, waiting for a clash that is unlikely to come. After all, I doubt that I could stand looking myself in the mirror and seeing someone obviously lacking and clueless.

This wasn't what I had in mind when I took on the job over half a decade ago. Now burdened with responsibility, insecurity sets in and pushes me to the limits of my waning sanity. But this was what I wanted, to be in control and significant. Is it just my imagination or has life played a cruel trick on me? Too late to back off now, there is much at stake.

So as I sit here pretending that everything is going alright, there is no answer still. All that's left is to take it one day at a time and wish that everything turns out for the best in time.